| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|11:31 am] |
Age?: 19
Height?: 5'2"
Weight?: 80lbs
Lowest Weight?: 74lbs
Highest Weight?: 145lbs
What weight do you want to weigh?: I actually want to weigh more =(....like 98
What eating disorder do you have?: Anorexia with bulimic tendencies.
How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: 0-400 (no more than 600 ever)
Do you throw up your food on occasion?: yea
Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?:hhmmm.........no not really (well Carmen electra but she's curvey).
Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?: I wish
Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?: OOOOO YEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?: Yes, 2 weeks but than I ended up in the hospital.
Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?: I did, but I got really sick
Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?: No
Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?: 4 times and counting
Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?: only once
Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?: many times
Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?: YES!
What part of your body would you change?: Everywhere
On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?: ZERO, I'm so unhappy, it's awful
Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?: yes
Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?: yep-o
Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?: I compare myself to everyone, even random people walking down the street, I get depressed if I see a 7 year old smaller than me
Do you think you eat healthy enough?: o' yea- nothing but fruits,veggies, and special K
Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?: I'm afriad to eat. Period.
Fat grams?: awful!
Calories?: o'yes
Are you often tired/fatigued?: yes until I do my stuff (wakey wakey eggs minus baccie- luv ya deve!
Do you feel more energised after eating food?: Nope. I feel sick and gross and weak, mentally.
Do you eat meat?: hell no veggie since I was in the 4th grade!
Do you eat your food in a certain way?: I nibble and pick around certain foods.
Do people tell you you look sick or famished?: A few, not many, I wish more actually did.
Have you ever thrown up blood?: Only once
Is your heart bpm above 49?: It has been, as of right now I can't say LOL
Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?: I fainted to the ground many times, but one time I really blacked out.
Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?: yep!
What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?: Nothing wrong with it, I'm part of a pro ana organization and believe it or not most of us agree, it's bad and we don't want it. We just can't recover so we learn to live with it. Pro- Ana isn't really out trying to get people to have eating disorder, we just enjoy have our ana cuz it's all we are.
Do you have any other mental disorders?: o-ya
What's your favourite food to eat?: I hate food, i don't have a favorite, but latley i've been eating spinach and celery
Favourite drink?: Water. Coffee,and ofcourse Green Tea
Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?: HELL YEAH ALL THE TIME |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|04:38 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Purple Haze | ] |
I've decided I'm not mailing out the letters I wrote. Three people have already begged for them and it's annoying (1 of which I never wrote a letter to). The whole point of writing these letters is to calm and relax and get my emotions out there, when I'm good and ready. My therapist told me to mail them out when I want people to here my story, and guess what I don't now! It's personal to me. And I've always been a push-over my whole life and not anymore, so you can beg all you want: No means NO! I should never said I wrote letters in the first place, and I know people are impatient, I'm not patient either but this is suppose to help me recover, not drive me crazy.
On another note- the things I typed about Scott, I was just in a bad mood and sick of his hissy fits, but I love him and I'm sorry.Not like he reads this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|05:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
I know I shouldn't be typing this right now- cuz I know I'll say something I will regret deeply later: Since, I have no taken the time to calm myself down. Yet, what I'm about to say I have to get off my chest. I'm sick of my brother and it's pissing me off! I mean he has this attitude every single fucking day. I understand people have bad days and they often take their problems out on other people, but this is every day, not just once or twice a month. And sure he's sick today - still he wasn't sick yesterday, he wasn't sick two weeks ago. I understand he works hard and a ton of hours- but he don't work on weekends. I'm just getting fed up with his fucking asshole ways. HE'S A JERK!
I take his shit and I let it slide cuz he's my brother but, now I'm tired of it. He makes me feel as if I'm not good enough or as if I'm a worthless piece of shit and he's so much better than me. Well, I hate to say it - YOUR NOT PERFECT SCOTT, YOU MAY THINK YOU ARE! BUT YOU'RE NOT! Everytime he gives me this attitude and talks down to me, I think he really wishes I were dead. He really makes me want to kill myself. My depressed broken soul cannot take it.
Yesterday at work I had to take a part and he's the one who realesed the part on the floor without holes, so how is that my fault? He should be checking the part first in away- Ron does. And today two people were coming in and about to walk through the door and he makes a big scene about shutting the fucking door! Yeah Scott just kill if you want to- make both our lives better. Cuz I'm such a horriable awful stupid person!
I'm not asking him to love me, hell I'm not asking him to even like me, I just want him for once to be nice.
I mean the only time he ever laughs or smiles is when he's making fun of someone else or talking bad about someone, and he talks down about everyone.
I love him I really do but I can't take it anymore! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|09:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | irritated | ] |
I'm so sick of girls coming up to me asking my eating disorder secrets cuz they want to lose weight to fit into a bathing suit for summer! What a-holes. It's a serious disorder- if you want it so bad- take mine!!!! I hate living with it. A disorder is not some little fun thing you create to wear a tiny bikini, you dumb B****es!!!!!!!!!!
Also, I'm sick of people saying- 'why don't you just eat?': Um' yeah why don't you just fing die!!!!!!!!! If it were so easy, I would eat! I was depressed and dealing with issues, I didn't say to myself one day, 'hmmm maybe I should starve myself to be a girls size 10'. No! I actually hate being this small- but I need my disorder cuz I love it and it feeds me, I can control it and my behaviors! Yes, I'm crazy cuz in away I fell in love with my killer- it's killing me and yet I crave it! But for those of you who think it's so damn simple to fix, I like to see you suffer from something so serious and see how easy it is to work your way out of.
I mean you can't just tell a drug addict- 'why don't you just stop?' It's not that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish people only knew or actually understood for a second what I'm going through. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|09:32 am] |
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My therapist says the only way to get my life back isn't trying to go back but trying to make amends with the past and move on. So he made me write letters to all my friends and old friends and explain myself to them. So don't find it werid if I write you a letter and it comes in the mall as soon as I buy stamps next week. So far I wrote a letter to Sarah, Tara, Luis, Mel, Tabby, jackie, Lyndzee, Dan, and I feel as though I am forgetting someone. So if you really want a letter let me know- lol. Anyway, I feel like shit my head and stomach still hurt to I'm outie. I think the trispmas are making me sick or it could be my little friend in my pocket right now who of which will be of my use in a moment or two. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2006|04:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Steady as she goes | ] |
My Secrets:
*I enjoy cutting myself
*I love coke cuz it makes me thin and yet it hurts my nose
*I lie to my loved ones about where I've been and what I ate
*I throw away food cuz I hate it!
*The sight of food makes me vomit
*I don't have to stick my fingers down my throat- I can just say in my head 'I'm fat' and vomit comes up
*I hate being alone and yet I hate leaving my home and being seen
*I have no friends
*I want to die
*I starve myself cuz I don't deserve food
*I weight 82 pounds but when I go to the doctor, I put on a 10 pound weight (5 pounds around each leg)
*I actually wish death upon my Aunt kathy
*A girls size 10 is too big for me
* I have one more major secret but I'll never ever tell! |
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| bored- taken from luis (thanks) |
[May. 21st, 2006|04:15 pm] |
301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die.
A Love
B Happiness
C Happiness
D Happiness
E And O' yea Happiness
302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year? I've been trying all my life!
303. What do you feel controlled by? Stupid Ana- living with it is a struggle, many days I go to bed thinking 'will I wake in the morning?'My eating disorder stops me from truly living. Plus now I have a fear of leaving the house.
304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him? Hhhhmmmmmmmm.....Since he's Jesus he can take me to the moon and prove it
305. What is one thing you are sure of? My mind exists- not certain my body does
306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert? Early morning, the only time I'm not weak and sick
307. Have you ever played in a band? I wish
308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking 'early creatures crawled outta that'? no sir
309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean? I wish I was a dolphin
310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games? I like shudoko thats it though
311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you? no but now I am
312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you? now
313. If you didn't know that people couldn't fly do you think that you could? I would prolly attempt it
314. Are you someone that others call when they're having a problem and want to talk about it? heck no- I got too many issues of my own so people figure since I can't get myself in check, how can I help them
315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author? depends on the book
316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts? No once you strip someone or something completely down- they can't become their self again
317. What are your feelings about the death penalty? I always say against but really if someone killed my brother, I would want them dead!
318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be? I wouldn't ask him or her anything I would stare them with a disappointed look thinking you a-hole, I don't need their reasons
319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets? ofcourse
320. What is something worth suffering for? There is nothing worth suffering for
321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it? i wouldn't- i have no clue
322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature? not anymore
323. Would you rather live simply or extravagently? Neither I don't want to live period
324. Have you ever been camping? somewhat
325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new? hell no
326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are? nope, that maybe the reason I have very few friends.
327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you? VERY VERY SCARY!
328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do? life
329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all? happy, pretty, and nice
330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jaynes)? i don't care
331. Do you know who the current premier of China is? nope
332. Are you very active? I work out every morning when I'm not weak yet trying to burn fat and calories but not really active as I like to be
333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain? it would have to be somewhere with a ton of mountains, or one big slope- downward spiral
334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back? no
335. Is it really being 'in love with' someone if the other person doesn't love you? hey let people think what they wish
336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? no such thing as love, people hook up cuz society wants us too.
337. Do you know secret things? many
338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have? never been in love
339. How do you overcome your fears? I don't for I am too weak
340. What can you do better than anyone you know? lets see starve myself- to go from 125 to 80 pounds in just a matter of months
341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence? yea
342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger? Smaller
343. Have you ever fired a gun? a paintball gun
344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other? yea
345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)? free- 100, safe- none existant
346. Does safety stifle you?
347. Who or what needs to be stopped? life, me,
348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated?
349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family? a little not too much |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|06:06 am] |
I really just want to say sorry to everyone.......I guess I have pushed people out of my life. Now, I'm lonely and yet still don't want to see anyone. Not really because I hate anyone, I can think of one person I hate: But honestly I think I hate myself with such a passion I feel as if I deserve to be alone, scared, unloved, and unwanted. I wish I could make it up to all of you I hurt. If I made a promise to you or let you down in anyway I'm very sorry. Sorry to Sarah (I don't care about our past- which you may think of as bad but, I thought we had a ton of good times) Hopefully I'll start getting out more and I'll come see your band- I only hope, I really want to. Sorry to Tara and Dan who I very seldom visit or call. Sorry to Susan who asked me to call her a million times. Sorry to Lyndzee who I haven't seen in along time. Sorry to Luis- um yeah just sorry there, too many things to list.
One day I'll be fine and normal again and I'll get the balls to see you guys.
On a lighter note I got an A in history but, on the negative I still can't find my cell phone- it's been gone for like 2 weeks (knowing me it's prolly just somewhere in the house)
Postive- I'm trying to get healthy: I'm gonna eat well and I'm gonna go back to doing pilates and yoga and I'm even gonna start running. I want to run like Scott, just run to take my mind off things. Maybe one day I'll run as good as him and we can run together.
Negative- I'm leaving for the clinic in Ohio, scary that it says rehab on the paper. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2006|07:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Just got home from visiting my nana in the hospital. Sucks so bad. I hate hospitals and I hate seeing people in pain yet, I feel quilty if I don't go since my nana and papa came everyday to visit me when I was in there. Well, my papa got in a really really bad car accident with a semi truck and my got beat up pretty badly, right now she's coughing, chocking, and has tubes in her nose just to breathe. Plus, she has so much morphine going in her for all the pain her chest and rib area she can hardly talk straight. She won't eat or even attempt to get up. My papa feels so quilty, he kept holding her hand the day it happened in the emergency room saying he was so sorry and he kept saying it a thousand times. Seeing him like that just reallt hit be hard. Mainly since these two never appear like love birds- they always argue, this is a whole new side to them I never seen. I love my nana and papa so much and right now I'm worried for the both of them. They raised me since I was a little girl, in my mind they're more my parents than my own mom and dad. I mean before school, they took care of me and after school they took care of me. I know it was because my parents both worked but still, I mean my nana and papa have been my primary care takers my whole life. I really don't want to talk much about it because I'm starting to cry again. But I'll just go visit her tommorrow at Henry Ford Hospital. |
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| Taken from Danyelle |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|04:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
Two Names You Go By... other than your real one:
1. Kel
2. Roxie
Two Parts of Your Heritage:
1. German (YAY!)
2. Austrian
Two things that scare you:
1. Being alone
2. Failing or being me! (Same thing)
Two of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Coffee
2. Showering
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. P.j pants
2. Audioslave tee
Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists:
1. Soundgarden, audioslave, chris cornell, temple of the dog (anything Cornell- you get the drift)
2. And right now......I'm gonna go with Mudhoney only cuz their new album rocks, but really I have a thousand fav bands lol
Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. Comfort
2. Happiness - to be truly happy is my main goal in life, no fake laughs and smiles
Two Truths:
1. I have an eating disorder
2. I hate being alone and yet I push myself away from ppl, and yet I am lonely right now
Two Things You Want Really Badly:
1. A boyfriend
2. To go back to being normal and have all my old pals back! I luv and miss them so much.
Two Places You want to go on Vacation:
1. Germany, Austria, and Amsterdamn/Holland,- fly to Germany and then drive to the others
2. And I'm thinking Austrialla or maybe Italy (it's a toss up)
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. Find a good lover who loves me the way I am
2. Become a social worker and make a decent amount of money to live comfortable
*But most importantly get a good career to pay my mom and dad back for all they have done for me!
Two Ways That You are Stereotyped:
1. I'm a shy and quiet and reserved person and ppl think I'm mean
2. That I'm a druggie I just got accused of doing coccain for being skinny and having a constant runny noise
Two Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. Damn I haven't eaten all day- o' well
2. Damn I think I'll work the 9 hours tomm cuz I need money bad
Two Stores You Shop At:
1. Best Buy-alot
2. Target
Two people you haven't talked to in a while:
1. Sarah- wow it's been like years and we used to talk everyday
2. Tara- wow I only talked to her yesterday for like 10 mins and not at all today, I should call her soon
Two favorite web sites:
1. anas underground grotto- secret life of eating disorders
2. and I guess hotmail.com lol- i like checking email
Two Favorite Sports:
1. tennis - love to play it even though I suck! and I like running just started too
2. Figure skating- sssshhhhhh thats our little secret but I even got tickets to the John Hancock champions on ice and I'm obsessed with Sasha cohen
Two things you did last night
1. Worked
2. Slept
Two shows you like to watch:
1. Project Runway- I love Danny V!!!!!!!! Too bad he lost!
2. Americas next top model
3.Just recently started watching real world key west cuz of you know who and her problem- finally someone I can relate too and not just horny drunks and gays on that show.
Two places you like to go to:
1. Target
2. Elizabeth park
Two Favorite People:
1. My brother Scott
2. Tara and Lyndzee - it's a tie they're my two best buds!
Two More People You Love A lot:
1. My dad and mom
2. My nana and papa
Two Favorite Subjects In School:
1. Art
2. English
Two Favorite Alcoholic Drinks:
1. Wine
2. Wine (lol)
Two Favorite Places to eat:
1. hmmmmmmmm
2.
Two things you like about yourself (physical):
1. nada
2.
Two things you ate today:
1. do drinks count?
2.
Two people you last talked to:
1. Luke at work
2. Scott
Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1. Working
2. Sleeping |
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| FUCK!!!!!!!!!! |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|04:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Temple of the Dog | ] |
Well I haven't updated in so long so I think I should now. Right now I am talking to the two greatest people in the world on aim- Tara and Lyndzee! I luv um both to pieces. They cheer me up mainly since I had such a bad day!
To start I got yelled at and called lazy by a guy named Ahmed who's a fing a-hole, just cuz he's too lazy and too slow to do his damn job. His job is to inspect my parts that I work on, when they come to me bad I have to turn them back in, so one came to me bad and I turned it back in and he flipped out. Then, even though I lost 4 pounds some lady named Dawn decided to come up and poke my stomach and tell me "You get fat again." Thanks witch with a capital B! O' yeah and this guy who I was talking to online and on the phone from work doesn't talk to me anymore: First, he tells me he likes me more than any girl he's ever met before and tells me he likes me deeply, but now there's this new girl at are work named Elizabeth who looks like a model, so he's moved on to her. Thats right typical guy, go for a girl and then when a prettier girl comes along you throw her to the side like garbage. FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! YOUR WORSE THAN AHMED AND DAWN COMBINED!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I'm not pretty never have been and never will be and it sucks because all my life I've been less than my super model cousins and friends.
On another not, in May I go to Ohio an impatient clinic called the River Centre should be a blast - yea right but I know it's the only way I'll get better. I just feel awful for making my parents spend so much on me, I'm such a horriable daughter.
Well, I'm leaving it at that and hopefully I will have a grand next week since I work full time cuz it's spring break and I need the money big time! Well lots of luv. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|05:47 pm] |
Well, therapy is going pretty damn good so far. For once I have a therapist I actually like- wow shocker! Yet, it sucks having to drive 2 hours every saturday for outpatient treatment- okay its hell mainly when it snows. Scott's been working out like crazy-yet do my parents care about my brother in that way, hell no! God damn my brothers so fucking lucky! He worries more about his weight and his apperance then I do and I do believe he has exercise bulimia, I mean I look up to him a whole shit load, I learned my insecurities through him (no joke). When I heard him call himself chunky, I started to look in the mirror and say wow I'm chunky too. Plus, I was written up as having exercise mia when I was working out 3 hours a day and eating 2 small meals, yet he works out like 5 hours a day minimum. Anyway moving on to a new subject since I love my bro but gosh he's so fucking skinny and I'm so jealous that my parents allow him to be but they take away my fucking gym card.
On a good note- school is going great! Doing real well and the class my brother said the teacher was a hard grader/tester, I managed to be the only one in the class who got an 80 out of 80 on the first essay exam, still have the geo component thrusday.
Work is awsome now. I'm getting along with everyone great minus Claria who told me to my face I looked guantly and Nancy who only hates me cuz she hates my mom and scott. Yet, they keep hiring guys aroung my age, before scott and i were the only people under 25, now there's 6 guys. 2 don't count since one is my bro and the other is a mentally ill kid. One's not hot and smells funny, and keeps staring at me so I want to punch him- everyone who knows me knows my biggest pet peeve is when people stare at me, one time my friend josh green kept staring at me to piss me off and i started crying lol. I'm such a moron. Back to my story though- so we supposly got a really good looking guy and I haven't seen him yet. Then theres Tony who's amayzing, so fucking cute! Then, theres Luke who's hot. Yet, I really don't get why I check them out its not like my ugly fat 82 pound ass has a chance with any hot guy. Why do I even bother?
In other news I'm switching my major, but no big deal since the classes that I've taken go hand in hand with the courses in the other major.
My goal is to lose 5 pounds by the end of Feb. so wish me luck!
luv ya all! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2006|04:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
back!!!!!! YAY! FREE AT LAST |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2005|06:30 pm] |
Said by Sarah M. Sullivan :perfection is sometimes a good thing, just dont turn it around on ur body, fuck those superstar fashion bitches they say u have to weigh 90 pounds to be beautiful fuck them all, all they do is make other ppl feel bad about the way they look, look at them genetic freaks, 95% of people dont look like that anyways
exactly thank you sarah |
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| Going on and on...........bored |
[Dec. 17th, 2005|09:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Outshined-Soundgarden | ] |
Well, wisdom teeth went okay yet, it's been a whole week and there still bleeding! But o' well what can I do? Plus, everyone said they put you to sleep, mine didn't they hooked me up to a heart monitor and put a gas mask on me and numbed my mouth. So I was up for the whole thing, towards the end the numbness started to ware away and I could feel it a bit but not much. The next day was the real bitch- no pain pills, I can't mix it with my other med.'s which I really need to take because with out them I would kill myself- go crazy.
I've lost my cell phone - this time I really can't find it! Plus, it was off meaning it's not like I'll hear it ring anytime soon (damn me)
So I called Sarah a few times - her house phone (kinda creepy i had to look it up at whitepages.com)yet, no answer- next time I'll leave a message.
Yeah Luis never called! I'll admitt I was kinda rude but still I'm a very stressed out type of person (so type A personality) and when you leave and take off it worries me. I mean what if your car would've broke down in some shitty ass area, got beat up, got your money stolen, got to Las Veags to met this person you met Online and they ended up being some 500 pound hairy guy named Butch who holds a gun to your head and says, "suck my dick or die." moving on.....
Why is Andrew going to gay bars? Doesn't he have a g/f?
Also, I'm worried about my brother he's been acting strange and he's starting to be like the one person I don't want him to be like.........me! I mean he hates school, I don't think he tries nor cares, he's not going out as much, he's pushing away from friends and isolating himself, and last weekend I thought I heard him crying in his room! It scares me cuz after a certain incident that ruined and destroyed my life, I was like that and then I pretended to be okay but the nightmares and the fears kept coming back (and damn those blue green eyes how I want to stab his fucking eyes out) I mean I even had some of the physical pain from that night come back to me, thats when I pushed everyone away and trusted no one. It's lonely and yet I am too afraid to go out in the world (as odd as that sounds). I pray Scott gets better - I love him more than anyone. It pisses me off that my dad is always concerned about me and my life, he should care for his son more. Besides my dad is starting to piss me off, he looks at me as some fucking diease not his daughter anymore.
On a good note to finish off: I got 2 A's so far, and only 2 more classes to go- YAY! Hopefully 2 more A's
But I doubt it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|05:38 pm] |
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At 86 pounds now, it's time for me to get help and try hard. like yesterday i left school beacuse I thought I was having a panic attack turns out once again i was having heart troubles. Yet, today theres some form of hope i was actually accepted into the HEED house, the guy sent my dad the letter. One problem (major problem) insurance doesn't cover any of it and it cost 2,500 dollars for a one month stay and I wanted to stay for the 3 month summer vaction. since, i'm 19 i can make my own choice on when to leave this time - thank god! plus, i won't have to have a stupid sitter like the last time i was hospitalized. I just hope I get in. |
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| AND THIS IS TRUE TOO................... |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|06:53 pm] |
| What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust. |
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| IS THIS NOT SO FUCKING TRUE???????????? |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|06:50 pm] |
| Your Birthdate: July 16 | 
You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.
You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.
People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.
You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself.
Your strength: Your original approach to thinking
Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others
Your power color: Pale blue
Your power symbol: Wavy line
Your power month: July |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2005|06:04 pm] |
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If anyone wants to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this weekend please email me at kellylynnjung@hotmail.com thanks |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|07:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Audioslave - Heavens dead | ] |
I know this is sort of random but it’s necessary: (Just me going on)
To Sarah:
I know we haven’t been talking much and you were my best friend and I still say your one of the best friends that I’ve ever had. I told you all my secrets and you know all of me. You know who I really am and saw the real me and you liked me anyway – thank you! I just wanted so really say I’m sorry for turning my back on you just because you started to hangout with a different crowd and do certain things that I didn’t do. Yet, know I will always have your back and be there for you when shit goes down.
To Luis:
Thank you for everything! – To put it plan and simple. You stuck by over so many years and have been a true and good friend.
To Andrew (who I don’t even think has my journal address. LOL):
You always make me happy, just something about you. I can honestly say I smile more when I am around you than anyone else. Next year, Luis, you and me going to see Audioslave together because I WOULD SERIOUSLY BE SO HAPPY I’D PISS MY PANTS!!!!!!!!
To Scott (my Bro) who I know will never read this yet I’ll write it anyway:
I love you more than anyone and I look up to you. Even though we don’t talk, I kind of feel that you know what I am going through. I feel that you worry about weight, appearance, and being single – well me too obviously a lot. I wish we could talk more but we probaly never will- and that upsets me. LOVE YA SO MUCH!!!!!
To Tara:
You’re flipping awesome and you’ve had my back thanks.
To Matt:
Thanks for calling everyday just to check up on me and thanks for telling me I look like shit to try and get me to gain weight- LOL
*Please understand I didn’t write to all of you and I know some people will be upset with me but these are just to people who have been on my mind lately, if your not mentioned it doesn’t mean I don’t care* |
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red_bracelette's journal